Force Fed Furious
by blossom-angel-child
Summary: Sakura is 16 in highschool and has some issues with food. Her parents watch her like hawks and Sasuke is starting to watch her more closely. He may be the only one who isn't fooled by her lies. Things go from bad to worse. Sakura-centric.SasuSaku.
1. Chapter 1

Sakura and most of the other characters are 16 with obvious exceptions as will be pointed out if necessary. I don't have a plan for this story. I don't know how or if it will end but there'll definitely be another chapter irrelevant of the number of reviews it gets. Hope you enjoy this. It's a little dark, mostly just the kind of dark that is consistently the fate of most teenagers.

**Chapter 1**

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School... School, school, school...

Well let's be honest- I don't go 'cause i like it there. I go because i like it better than staying home.

When I'm at home they watch me all the time.

My dad wakes up and checks to make sure I ate breakfast. My step-mum asks when I'm expecting my period. My dad takes me out and orders for me when I say I don't want anything. He tells me not to eat so slowly at dinner and not to play with my food. I'm not so fatigued as I am just tired of being monitored all day, and when I close the door to my "cave" as they would suppose it, I hear them analyzing me through my door.

"Did Sakura seem angry to you?"

"I think she's probably just on her monthly cycle. I know we shouldn't take it personally but I'm so worried about her."

"She's not your daughter, try not to get too involved."

"How am I not supposed to get involved? I'm the one who buys her food and cooks. I'm the mother of this household."

"Look, all I'm saying is don't cross me when I'm parenting her."

They must be stupid. There's but a wall between them and I and they call that whispering? Shame.

I could sleep my life away. Really- what I wouldn't give.

But as a direct result of my being alive and being 16; this is not an option I have.

So when sleeping isn't on the list, school is my next choice.

It's kinda like being free but it just doesn't have the peaceful element unconsciousness does...

What makes being awake better? Well I'll tell you: being lucid and awake.

And there's never been a greater lucidity than the one found after 48 hours or so of not eating.

Seriously. It is like being in a dream except you're awake and walking around in this floaty body of energy and serenity.

It's so messed up but it's so fantastic. It's what I can only imagine drugs are like.

I haven't ever taken drugs but if they make you feel like this I wouldn't put the possibility past me. This way to numbness is hangover free... And the fun happy feeling lasts as long as you want.

I can't really remember the last time I reached that happy land though. I get watched a lot. They wanna make sure I'm never happy...

They can't watch me at school and I walk slowly along the path towards this institution every week-day morning.

I could turn left at this side street and disappear forever... I could run and run and run until everything was black...

I like the idea... But I guess I just think i'd be found... and the consequences would be enough to kill me.

I'm not suicidal. I'm a little crazy sometimes when no-one is watching but even then I don't want to kill myself. An eternity of sleeping sounds nice though.

Sometimes I want to scream that I want to die. I think it must just be a phrase that's easy to say when you feel really awful.

But I don't scream anymore anyway. They say it's good to let stuff out, but there's nothing healthy about screaming and being ignored. That sucks the most. So I don't scream anymore. Nobody takes me seriously. I don't take me seriously. I'm such a drama queen. I must be the most annoying person I know.

I'm making my family fight. I must be so awful. I deserve to be unhappy.

Walking to school, all I can think of now is how I want to be at home sitting in the dark with a knife. I need to make this right. I have to pay for what I've done and make it okay again.

I wanna scream but it won't matter and then it'll be obvious to all my friends I'm crazy.

Coming through the front gates, checking to see that people haven't gone to roll call and i'm not late yet, trying to be cool as I pass the people I know and smiling as I reach my group. Smiles are so exhausting, I want to sleep again.

"Sakura you look awful today." Shikamaru commented. He meant nothing by it, I know, and he's right, I probably look like a mess.

"Thanks."

Ino isn't impressed with either of us, him for being so blunt, me for not caring.

"Hey Sak are you sick or something?" She put the back of her hand on my forehead and frowned.

"No. I'm great today actually. I'm always great." I say that a lot and it doesn't mean that much anymore. A couple of the people who heard me joined in and snickered at my little joke. Wow. I still got it.

Maybe I should fly off the handle now and act as freaky as I feel. Right now I feel like such an internal freak.

"Hey Naruto! I yell to rip his attention out of the brawl he's on the verge of starting." He looks across our circle of friends at me. "I have those chips you like today." I give him them most days.

"Awww Thanks Sakura-can. You're the best. Do ya have any of the other snack things you usually do?"

"Ahh... aha, lemme see." I pull some biscuits and assorted bars out of my bag. My parents are always trying to overfeed me. Thank goodness I have people to give this shit to; I feel guilty when it goes in the bin.

"Sakura, I never see you actually eat your lunch. you should save some for yourself." Hinata mumbles.

"Yeah forehead. Don't let that loser take all your food." Ino pointed at Naruto and shook her finger in the kind of way she must have patented.

"It's all good. Mum made me an amazing breakfast early this morning, and Naruto needs the energy more than I do so he can feed his noisy personality." We laughed and Naruto frowned.

"What'd you have?" A low voice interrupted Naruto's loud disagreement. I looked around and found Sasuke staring at me, eyebrow raised.

"What do you mean?" I asked him. "For breakfast?"

He nodded.

I tried not to let my eyes roll up while I struggled to think of something that would fit the adjective _'amazing'_.

"Pancakes."

He wasn't satisfied. "Sakura. You're gluten intolerant.""

"Yeah. They were made from special flour." I was happy with the speed at which I could answer that one.

He seemed to approve of this. What was his problem? Sasuke was delicious looking... Just like all the foods I sometimes wanted to eat.

But I'd known him for a long time and recently he'd been checking the back story to my lies about food. I'm a pretty good liar these days though and there's not a whole lot he can do to find any better answer. He has me on my toes though. He probably thinks I'm just going on a diet in secret or something...

It would be best for me if I can feed that assumption he might have. Him thinking i'm on a diet doesn't worry me. If anything that would make me seem more normal.

The bell went. People rushed out from nowhere and I was quite suddenly in a whirl pool of students. I really really wanted to sleep again.

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**That's chapter 1. It's a complicated story idea... hopefully amongst the sarcasm and angst there'll be some humor... definitely love.**

**BlAnCh**


	2. Chapter 2

And here it is-the not that long awaited:::D

**Chapter 2**

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I walked in the door and closed it as quietly as possible. With any luck my dad was asleep in his room.

I'm not very lucky.

"Sakura? You there?" He called from the end of the house.

"Aha." Here we go.

"What!"

"I said yes, I'm home!" At least I make myself laugh even if I'm the only one.

I hope he doesn't want much; I really want to cut my arm off and it's getting unbearable.

I walked into the study and he frowns when he sees that i'm frowning so I try to smile quickly enough that he doesn't ask what's wrong with me. He doesn't look too convinced. If he asks i'll lie.

"Did you have a good day."

"Yep. Had some fun classes. And my friend had a birthday so there was cake at recess. It had gluten in it but I mean it was for a special occasion so I had a piece." All lies. I had boring teachers all day and I hadn't eaten a thing since an unavoidable dinner the day before.

"Sounds like a great day." He smiled. I smiled.

"Cool. I might have a nap, i'm a little tired. That alright?"

"Sure sweetie. Oh, but have something for afternoon tea first."

I tried so hard not to grimace. He never forgets.

I went back to the kitchen and started preparing some rice cakes as loudly as I possibly could. I wanted to make sure he could hear me doing this. If I actuallly had to eat this, it had better be worth it.

I took the plate of calories to my room and put them on the floor next to the window. I wasn't sure what i'd do with them and it felt like a burden over my head just having them exist.

Ten minutes later I packed them into a small plastic bag and put it with my school stuff. I guess i'll sneak it out with me tomorrow. The bins at home aren't safe. They've found my food thrown away before. It was so humiliating. I'd wanted to melt into the floor, better yet just to disappear.

I went back to the kitchen and filled up my bottle of water. If I had an addiction; it was water.

I have a couple of assignments I have around but all i want to do is collapse. There's just no motivation to do anything. Not even to move. Barely enough to breathe.

I feel so numb again. I can't feel anything and it's freaking me out. I want to cry but I can't even do that, i'm paralyzed. It's a miracle I have the life in me left to reach for the pair of scissors I keep on my bedside table. And as I drag the blade on them that I suppose to be the sharpest over my left thigh I can feel the clamps on my heart loosen and the lethargy lessen. This is why I know I'm not okay. And even if I'll never show a soul, this makes my suffering real. I'm not imagining this. I'm not dreaming. I'm not dead, i'm still alive.

XXX

Waking up is okay. I'm never not tired but I always feel the prettiest in the mornings. It might sound silly to you, but it's important to me. Some days I don't feel like I fit my own body and so when I feel pretty, even if only for a couple of hours before the days begins, I like to pretend I can believe my mirror. When I look pretty I know she's lying. But I don't mind. Pretending is nice.

I can pretend that I grew into my forehead. The mirror shows me that it's a normal size but I know it must be huge.

And I can imagine in my head that my pink hair glows the way it does in my reflection, but I know that this too is something conjured.

Finally I know that while I am so inconceivably fat that I shouldn't be allowed on public transport, my mirror likes to tell me, in the mornings at least, that I am healthy and well proportioned. Even the word healthy though... It makes me feel hideous.

I suddenly can't look at myself anymore. All the realizations that i'm so much uglier than i'm pretending come crashing down and I almost think i'd cry if it weren't for-"Sakura! Are you awake yet? You're going to be late!"

"Yep. Thank you kaa-san." I open the door to my room and step out with my school bag, concealing my afternoon tea from the day before.

She insists I call her that. I don't mind calling her mum, she's close enough to a mum for me anyway, just without all the huggy kissy ridiculous stuff I use to have with my real mum before I started hating her. Long story, boring story.

She points to the lunch she's set for me on the bench as she feeds my baby half-sister. She's so cute. She's the chubbiest thing you ever saw... And I wouldn't want her any other way.

I guess it's just babies that can pull it off.

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**I'm keen to hear any criticism or comments. No pressure to review though, for simply reading, in that itself, I am most grateful.**

**BlAnCh**


	3. Chapter 3

_School, school school..._ I need to try not to think about the things that could go wrong today. Every day, like any regular six sided die, has a number of possible situational outcomes, limited only by what is certain: I would _be_ there. Oh, to be or not to be... Another thing I shouldn't dwell on.

It's freezing and that suits me fine as far as wearing my jumper and stockings go. People think I'm strange in the summer, and so do I.

But it suits me not so well as far as metabolism and mood. The cold makes me angry and I have low resilience to the cold when I'm restricting like this.

Walking toward my friends again, like every time before, I feel vulnerable in my approach, not yet with them. What if today they reject me and everyone just turns around when I get close?

If I was thinner they would definitely like me. That's just the way it feels... However irrational.

Just in anyone's presence, it's as if like an elephant amongst a herd of gazelle I stand out. I take up too much space. I mean, she's fatter than me and so is he and they are as well but it doesn't help because it's not about them. It's about me.

I enjoy my classes while I distract myself from my physical existence with things of the mind. Things to learn... things I feel as though I always knew but needed a teacher or textbook to remind me of.

He was standing against a telegraph pole talking to Naruto when I walked out of the school gate. This shouldn't technically be an awkward circumstance, I think, so I walked as casually as I could, only briefly losing certainty of what normal walking was. And my thoughts went something along the lines of:_ I have to walk past them and we're friends so I have to say hello... or hey might be better if I am indeed going for 'casual'. Am I walking fast or slow right now? Or rather, what speed is time moving at?_

"Hey." _Smile._ I smiled.

Sasuke was the first to see me but Naruto was light years in front with his greeting: "Sakura! Hey, going home?."

I didn't want to be rude and point out how dumb the question was, but then again, I suppose the question's content wasn't the question's purpose; he was just creating some relaxing dialogue. He's cool like that. I should be more relaxed and stop reading into things like, for example, silly questions.

"Aha. _You_? Sasuke?"

And then his greeting occurred but only so far as it was implied by his audible "Yeah."

It was kind of nice actually, standing in the little polygon we'd formed, friendship between us each, binding the shape and making this feel almost natural and easy. Sometimes having cool friends really makes me forget how unhappy I am. Right now I feel happy and I just want it to last. Times like this make me think eating is okay because I just want to be normal like this all the time... But I have reason enough, in the form of countless such experiments of freedom and the true misery it causes, to fear giving that away and letting my hold on myself and everything go. Especially because a little is never enough and I know how crazy I can go when I'm not keeping myself in check. I would use the word control but it's so overused at this point and it's got it's own connotations and associations, in my mind at least. I was happy, sure, but I left to go home out of the fear.

I hate the chill beneath my feet as I mount the terrible beast that is my set of scales, glass and digital. The number points out however that in fact I am the real beast. Not that I really ever forget, just... pretending is fun, remember? So in this little game we think really hard to ourselves on the image of being small and meek and scared (the way we feel) and of the scales as being cruel and dangerous (the way they seem). _Damnit! Pick a mindset and stick with it for once! This is like being two f*cking people._


End file.
